Famed super hero Iron Man has just released a statement to the public stating that he is sick and tired of being called a “Second String” super hero in reviews for his new film.
“Seriously,” he was quoted as saying. “That shit is just not cool. I was an Avenger when Spider-Man was just a whiny teenager. Hell, I LED the Avengers for awhile! And don’t forget who was a father figure to that wall crawler? That right, baby, ME! I built him a suit and everything. And has Tobey McGuire ever won an Academy Award? Or Kirsten Dunst? No way. Look at my movie. Robert Downey Jr? Oscar. Gwyneth Paltrow? Oscar. That’s what I am talking about. I can’t even think of another Oscar award winning superhero ever!”
When reporters brought up Nick Cage and Ben Affleck Iron Man grew defensive. “Seriously? Nick Cage? Have you seen what he has been making recently? I mean The Wicker Man? What the fuck was that? And Affleck? That was for writing a touchy-feely screenplay about growing up and hugging your friend and shit, right? Some super hero.”
Iron Man also hastened to point out that his film had grossed $100 Million over it’s opening weekend. “As much as Daredevil made in it’s entire run!” he shouted. “And almost as much as Ghost Rider! I’ll rule them all! Except that little pissant Spider. Man, I HATE that kid.” Iron Man was eventually led away by The Incredible Hulk, who was holding up a sign that read “June 13th, 2008.”