Recently on Twitter I decided to share some of the valuable and important insights I have discovered while writing two and 1/3 novels. Due to the ephemeral nature of Twitter I feared that some of you might have missed these lessons, so I thought it only prudent that I reprint them here. I hope they will be of some help if you are currently struggling with a writing project.
1. Your lead characters should always start the day with a good breakfast. Spend at least a couple of pages describing this.
2. Redheads cannot be trusted. If you want to show someone is untrustworthy, give them red hair.
3. When writing sex scenes, you should have between 3 and 5 people. Less is dull, more gets hard to manage. See also the Weiner corollary.
4. Every building should blow up, or catch fire. Preferably both.
5. Robots always have murder on the brain. Or programmed into them. Whatever, I’m not a scientist.
6. Old ladies that live alone are always scary. Usually they cackle, which helps your audience know just how scary they are.
7. While zombies prefer fresh brains, they will also eat pickled brains on special occasions.
8. Your alien characters should be interested in mating with humans. 3 to 5 at a time.
9. Don’t kill the puppy.
10. Exploding supernovas are a good way to get yourself out of a tricky writing corner.
And a bonus one that I did not use on Twitter!
If your character are going to use drugs, make sure they get the good stuff. Nobody want to read about people smoking ditchweed.
I hope this has been of some use to you!