So, as most of you know by now I am one hardcore motherfucker who lives the rock and roll lifestyle to the extreme. This being the case, my wife and I went to see The Sound of Music at the Princess of Wales theatre this weekend. While there I was previewing the upcoming selection of plays, and I was rather surprised. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, Young Frankenstein, The Harder They Come, and Legally Blonde were on the list. So, basically, Broadway musicals are becoming just as creatively bankrupt as Hollywood, and are simply recycling hit ideas from other mediums.
I don’t even know what to say about the Spiderman musical that is currently in rehearsals. Let’s just pretend that isn’t happening.
But it got me thinking. What other films are out there that could find new life as a blockbuster Broadway musical? Here is my list.
10. Transformers: The Musical – Because you can’t just limit Bayhem to the multiplexes! While it might be technically complex to do, I think the thrill of watching giant robots battling for worldwide supremacy will bring a whole new audience to the theatres. Bonus points for whoever can come up for lyrics that successfully rhyme Decepticon and Megatron meaningfully.
9. Lord of the Rings: The Musical – Wait. What? Really, they did? Never mind. Wow.
8. Jaws: The Musical – Now I know it might be difficult to tell the story of one town’s valiant battle against a shark, but if they can put the Little Mermaid on stage, why not this? And when you have an anthropomorphic shark singing “I’m gonna eat the Island of Amity up” to the tune of “I’m gonna wash that man right out of my hair,” I think you will have a winner.
7. Ace Ventura Pet Detective: The Musical – Because singing opera out of your butt is even more classy on stage then in a film.
6. Eraserhead: The Musical – Because I really want to freak the living hell out of the people who just buy season’s passes to the theatre and bore everyone by going on and on about all the show they have seen “this season” and I think it would be funny to really mess them up, and maybe drive them from the theatre forever.
5. Close Encounters of the Third Kind: The Musical – Every song would be based on those famous 5 notes, borrow the helicopter from Miss Saigon and repaint it as a spaceship, and whammo! Perfect night at the theatre.
4. Back the the Future: The Musical – Marty McFly’s musical ability has already been established, why not just spread it throughout the whole plot. Action, adventure, singing and dancing terrorists, this one will have it all. There will not be a dry eye in the house when Marty’s dad sings “I’ve got a Flux Capacitating Heart” to Marty’s mom after saving her from Biff. And if you can get Eddie Van Halen to do the music – pure win!
3. Terminator: The Musical – What else needs to be said?
2. Silence of the Lambs: The Musical – With Anthony Hopkins already an established theatre star, he can bring in the crowds from BOTH mediums! And who wouldn’t want to see Hannibal Lecter singing such memorable tunes as “I’ll Even Wear Your Face, to Get Out of this Place” and “Ask Not for Whom the Lambs Scream, they Scream For You!” And when the chorus of animatronic sewing mannequins do a choreographed routine to “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” it will be the most riveting, explosive thing to hit the Broadway stage since the invention of jazz hands.
1. Star Wars: The Musical – I’m actually a little surprised that this one has not been done yet.
So, what about you? What films do you think should be made into Broadway musicals? Or not, depending on your point of view. Leave your ideas in the comments.